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Here is the beginning sentence of a book review I'm reading in Library Journal. I thought I'd share. You'll see why:
Turned into a vampire by Lord Byron back in the 19th Century, Jane Austen still struggles with her altered nature.
...I don't even want to know. Even better, she publishes a novel, vampire Jane Austen does.
I hope someone writes a book about a werewolf Napoleon living somewhere in New Jersey, taking over pieces of Pennsylvania now and then to earn a living. |
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I've had cause to flip through the pages of the past lately, and I thought I'd share. WARNING: Long and rambly. Feel free to skip right over to something more interesting.
Fifth grade, I think
Because our elementary school was made of cheap-ass, the best thing they could think of for us to do when summer started coming on was to take us on a field trip! To a park in town! It was better than going to the Science Museum in West Hartford for the nine billionth time (though I really liked that place--CT people, remember the big iron whale? I remember the big whale. You could climb in his head), though only just.
Newington had two parks worth the name, Mill Pond and Churchill. I say "worth the name" because these two parks had swimming pools. Of the two, Churchill had the nicer pool, though it had pretty much nothing else going for it. Mill Pond at least had the pond, which was surrounded by goose feces, and the waterfall. We got dragged to Churchill. No, we didn't use the pool. We hung around on the cruddy playground, mostly waiting in line for the slide. It was a pretty cool slide, to be fair.
I have a few memories from that trip. One was a girl named Melissa something complaining, as loudly as she possibly could, that her p*ssy hurt. I remember her just standing there yelling that. This was fascinating, and I fell a little more in love with her than I already was (she was bad, the "nice" girls hated her, she wore a ton of makeup, and she was utterly gorgeous. She thought I was a creep).
Another is that we all got McDonald's for some reason. Hooray, 1989, when it was cool to just load fifth graders up with fast food! It may have been the only time I ever ate a McDonald's hamburger. I usually went for the McNuggets.
I still remember how it tasted. There really is nothing quite like it, is there? It doesn't taste like hamburger at all, or even bun. It tastes like... *shrug* I don't even know what. Chemicals, maybe, or perhaps ferret.
I walked through it all like a ghost, which was how I spent a lot of my time in elementary school. If I was invisible, no one could call me a fag or spit in my hair. Hooray for childhood! I went off somewhere and hung around by myself, dreaming of spaceships and loyal companions. My one friend may or may not have been there, I don't really remember.
I was fading away more than usual this time. My family had bought a house across town and we'd be moving into a completely different school district. I'd never see many of these kids again, though vaginal discomfort girl would show up in my Children's Theater group later on.
In my mind I was already gone. I hoped that the future would be better somehow, that my new school would have nicer kids and, possibly, some real friends for me.
That didn't happen at all. Not all changes are for the best.
But I have a vague memory of looking around at my classmates, most of whom either didn't notice or didn't like me, and thinking I'm going to miss them. |
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I'm not having a good day, but this made it a lot better:
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In the ol' inbox today was a message from the White House press office (they haven't heard I'm totally retired, I guess) declaring Thursday to be Thanksgiving. Thank God! Without this, I wouldn't have gotten the day off! Whew.
It begins like this: What began as a harvest celebration between European settlers and indigenous communities nearly four centuries ago has become our cherished tradition of Thanksgiving. This day's roots are intertwined with those of our Nation, and its history traces the American narrative.
Today, we recall President George Washington, who proclaimed our first national day of public thanksgiving to be observed...
Oh WOW that's dull! Let's see if there's anything good in here.
[flips through]
Puppies.... patriotism... love for your fellow man...
AAAAAAARGH just tell us we can eat turkey already, Barack!
Okay. Okay. I PROCLAIM that on Thursday we all get to stuff ourselves silly, stare awkwardly and/or disapprovingly at family members, then either watch football or clean up or hide somewhere until it's all over and we can go home to sleep it off!
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twentieth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth. |
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The civil rights of a minority should never depend on the whim of a random slice of the majority. Sometimes that works, but a lot of times fear, tradition and meanness rule the day.
Last night was not a total loss, though. I give you Kalamazoo and Washington State.
Keep fighting.
Nov. 4th, 2009 @ 09:17 am
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| » one moment of perfect beauty |
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When I need to just calm the fuck right down and remember myself, I turn to something beautiful. There's a piece of music that often works for me, and I thought I'd share it with you. This is it, a song from the otherwise so-so film The Thin Red Line:
...There. I feel better, and am ready to wade back out into the world again.
Nov. 2nd, 2009 @ 10:56 am
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| » I for one welcome our new Klingon overlords |
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Yeah they're coming for us.
Oct. 26th, 2009 @ 09:24 pm
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| » The end of a terrible era |
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Yahoo!GeoCities, once known as just GeoCities, is closing up shop today for good. I know what you're thinking: GeoCities is still around? Well, as of today, not anymore.
Ah, memories. I think I set up a GeoCities site at one point, but after finding it was never up and that I hated the horrible ads that appeared on it with a passion, I switched to Tripod. Yes. Tripod was an upgrade.
But now that GeoCities is closing, it's actually kind of sad! We're mourning the loss of an era, here, people! GeoCities was a place where anyone could just sign up and then create a website, even though that website might be complete crap.
Admit it: you spent a LOT of time on GeoCities sites in the mid-to-late 1990s, didn't you? And part of you is kind of sad they're no longer around.
The rest of you is really thankful that the web today is an awful lot more usable.
In honor of GeoCities' passing, XKCD has done a hilarious site redesign! Two words: blink tag!
Oct. 26th, 2009 @ 07:49 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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I'm heading up to Boston today, I plan to spend most of the day riding around on the MBTA trains and poking my nose into various locations.
It should be fun. I could use a day away from everything.
Oct. 23rd, 2009 @ 07:09 am
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| » This! |
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Glorious: Reporter: "What do you say to parents who think the Wild Things film may be too scary?"
Sendak: "I would tell them to go to hell. That's a question I will not tolerate."
Now I like him even more. There's a certain mad genius in being able to rise above the constant cultural drumbeat that says that 1) we should be afraid of everything and 2) fear is always bad.
It's like he's from another planet. How refreshing!
Oct. 14th, 2009 @ 11:27 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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I gave up my political blog. I needed to. I'll be gone from it, one way or the other, by the end of the month. It was actually news in a couple of places. I'll never get over the fact that I could make news by doing things with my blog.
It brought me some happiness, a lot of pride, some close brushes with history and a measure of respect. It all brought me heartache, stress, lawsuit(s) and depression.
A mixed bag. However, I did get to go on TV, and that's pretty damn cool.
I wonder, sometimes, if I'll regret it someday. Maybe. But I had to choose between sitting still and traveling on, and I chose the latter. In the end, it was less of a choice than I thought it would be.
...
[deep breath]
I'm ready, then, for what's next.
Oct. 7th, 2009 @ 11:25 pm
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| » it's what separates us from the animals |
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So... should I weasel out of this dinner thing tonight and claim O I AM TOOOOO TIRRREEDD to go or should I just freaking go already?
I know which I'd rather!
Oct. 6th, 2009 @ 08:39 am
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| » Fred Thompson: Student of History |
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A snippet from Fred in his very latest missive to his flock of devoted, sleepy followers: ...Washington's attempts to regulate our way of life with so many czars you'd think we actually lost the Cold War
Darn that Czar Nicholas II and his red communist hordes!
Sep. 28th, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
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| » ATTENTION THERE IS RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM CNN |
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LADIES
Do you have a badly-dressed boyfriend? If so, we all feel sorry for you, because that's SO EMBARRASSING.
But. Did you know you can FIX him? CNN will tell you how!
The trick, according to the author, is shame. You remember shame, right? That's what your mother and those mean girls at school made you feel when you wore those shoes, or whenever you ate a piece of cake, or whenever you bring your boyfriend over and he's wearing a crappy t-shirt.
Apparently it works on men, too. Here's a useful example: Because he was smart, funny and cute-ish, I chose to overlook his sartorial missteps and we quickly fell in love. But despite my best efforts -- including renaming the fanny pack his "colostomy bag" -- I never could convince him to spiff up.
If you make him feel enough shame his behavior might change.
To be fair, the author did realize the error of her ways, because shaming him was simply not as effective as she'd hoped. I congratulate her on her use of the scientific method.
Therefore, she now recommends positive reinforcement, like complimenting him when he wears something that doesn't make you want to barf, insults your carefully cultivated sense of urban fashion, or is a band t-shirt. Band t-shirts = FAUX PAS.
This is something we've tried with our cats, and I'm happy to report that it sort of works! Sometimes. Depending on the cat! Whether men and cats are similar is still not established by Science, but try giving your "man" (and do call him that, men like it as much as you like being called "his woman"--or so men have assured me!) a nice juicy treat every time he wears his hair in a stylish way or purchases a nice pair of shoes. My research indicates that the treat should be made of beer and steak.
Thank you, CNN, for helping to either alleviate or exacerbate the relationship problems of millions of Americans!
Sep. 8th, 2009 @ 01:22 pm
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| » Spanish-speaking questioner shouted down |
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This... ARGH. The behavior of these people is simply awful. Rep. Jim Himes (D-CT), was born in Peru and speaks fluent Spanish, and the questioner has obviously spoken with him in Spanish before.
The reaction of the crowd is ugly.
Sep. 3rd, 2009 @ 01:37 pm
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| » what will I refresh now? |
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Nooooo GMail don't go down
NOOOOOO
Sep. 1st, 2009 @ 03:44 pm
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| » nie wieder krieg |
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Today is the 70th anniversary of the outbreak of WWII, which commenced with the traditional steamrolling of Poland.
Leaders and others from the countries involved were at a ceremony in Gdansk, formerly Danzig. What got me was this quote from German Chancellor Angela Merkel: "Germany triggered the Second World War," she said. "We brought endless suffering to the world."
The Germans own their national guilt in a way that many other countries that have committed terrible deeds do not (see: Russia).
I wish we had sent someone to this ceremony other than our National Security Adviser (quick: name him! I bet you have to look him up), who is apparently the only one not on vacation.
Sep. 1st, 2009 @ 09:31 am
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| » The start of the school year |
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Every year around this time I get the same sense of twisting, tightening dread. The school year's getting underway. I panic for a second, then I remember that even though public schools are being flooded with kids at this very moment, none of it is my problem.
It's been five years and I still can't drive past a high school without getting the willies. What ever made me think teaching high school was a good idea?
I guess a lot of good came out of it in the end. I wouldn't be in the job I'm in right now without all that teaching training, for one thing, and it made me a lot more flexible. But it also gave me a hard edge that I don't particularly like or want, a sort of shield against the world that has taken years to wear away.
Anyway. We drove past the high school on the way in to work this morning, and I was glad not to be in there, or in another building just like it somewhere else.
Cheers to the people who teach for a living! You're a lot stronger than I am.
Aug. 31st, 2009 @ 08:33 am
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| » i knew it |
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Aug. 26th, 2009 @ 11:59 pm
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shashalnikya's journal